Emerging Women

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sex without her consent ...

... is found in the lines of and between the lines of the recorded biblical narrative. The stories are there. Their testimonies are there. Likewise, the stories and testimonies are here in the 21st century, including from our sisters in the faith. But where in our churches are these ancient and current stories of tragedy, of desperate need, of overcoming faith finding a place to come together? One out of six females have been sexually assaulted and the numbers only rise if one figures in those assaults that are never reported along with the trauma suffered by victims of attempted sexual assault. The highest percentages are with females under 30 and their victimizers are people they know. In a recent poll, one out of three college males indicated they would definitely attempt forced sex if they knew they wouldn't get caught.

Our voices must, absolutely must collectively arise in bringing this issue to the table of awareness and action in our churches. Biblical stories of ‘sex without consent” must be honestly identified, both those that are obvious and those with probability or possibility. We women must insist that this continued violation of human dignity be addressed and validated in our Sunday teaching/sermons and it must find a place in our junior and senior high biblical group studies.

Let me start our conversation with a possibility … Bathsheba. II Sam. 11:2-4 King David saw. King David probed. (M) King David sent for. (M) King David took. (M) Bathsheba came to him. (M) King David lay with her. She cleansed herself. She left for her home. My (M) represents where David’s ‘messengers’ were definitely involved carrying out King David’s orders. After the sex event, no more messengers. Sex without her consent … a definite possibility.

Is the emerging church's generous orthodoxy generous enough to let these stories EMERGE?

Labels: Gender Issues, Theology

posted by Anonymous at 5:54 PM

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18 Comments:

At 9/10/2006 09:55:00 PM, Charlotte Wyncoop

YEAHHHH! I have been checking this out as you developed the topic and been {cough} enthusiastically {cough} awaiting the post!

You go girl!

I am a woman who has personally experienced this topic first hand, I have a definite stand. Truth.

It is the least painful in the long run.

I'd be happy to share more, but my story is rather, ummmm, long, as Julie will attest.
At 9/10/2006 10:05:00 PM, juniper

I agree that rape is a horrible thing and there are certainly stories of forced sexual activity in the bible, I don't think this is one of them. Coercion? Likely. Force? There doesn't seem to be a basis for believing that. I checked Josephus and there's no hint of it in his writings (in my limited understanding.) David arranged for Uriah's death to cover up adultery which is bad enough, I think. I wouldn't care to label David a rapist anymore than I care to hear Mary Magdalene labeled a prostitute.
At 9/10/2006 11:11:00 PM, Julie

random thoughts...

I've often heard that David may have been the one at fault and not the suppossed temptress Bathsheba. It is usually an interpretation that is ignored or settled with "they were both at fault". I have come though to see Bathsheba as I see Esther - a women forced by a powerful she couldn't refuse to have sex, but whom God blessed because of those circumstances. Rereading scripture in a way that doesn't paint all the women as the sinners/bad guys has really changed my perspective of God's special place for women and how God tries to correct/sooth the sins of men.

and I fully agree there needs to be a place for these stories to be told (perhaps Char not in 4 hour marathon sessions... ;) ), but they must be told. I recall being of a panel a few years ago (actually exactly 5 since it was on Sept. 11, 2001). On this panel we were discussing and selecting articles to be published in a christian version of Readers Digest put out by a large christian magizine publishing house. One article was about a girl who was date raped at a Christian college, her shame, and the lack of support/belief she received. After a very short discussion, it was rejected as being uttterly inapropriate for christian audiences. I was outraged but didn't speak up (mainly because being on this panel was part of my candidating for an editorial position which ended up falling through anyway because of the stupid hiring freeze caused by 9/11... but I digress). truth needs to be told no matter how uncomfortable it is.
At 9/11/2006 08:13:00 AM, Lydia

I'll post more later on this topic, but...

one in six of the women on this blog probably have a personal story to tell also.

I've been through a version of this story as well.
At 9/11/2006 03:03:00 PM, Unknown

I agree, this topic is so important. I have not been raped, but as a teen went through some borderline times. With the "not appropriate for Christian audiences" thinking that surrounded the topic of sex etc. in my raising, I had some difficult years. I struggled with sexual "issues" quietly for many years, in part because I never felt I could ask questions openly. Even now, I am still struggling with the "sex thing". I am trying to sort through what "is" taught in the Bible, where did ideas come from, etc.
Women as victims and "objects" started long ago, and it is absolutely time to really bring these discussions out in the open!
At 9/11/2006 03:06:00 PM, Anonymous

Interesting topic. I have never experienced sexual assault, though I worked in a Rape Crisis Center over 20 years ago. The fact that many have experienced the same trauma does not diminish the pain of the individual's experience. Does this make sense?

I am trying to understand the story line, but am confused with the significance of David and Bethsheba no longer needing "messengers". It is significant I am sure but that I am missing the point.

Please refresh my memory. Didn’t David and Bethsheba get married after her husband was disposed of? Was that against her will also? I am seriously lacking in my Old Testament storytelling. Sorry…..
At 9/11/2006 03:06:00 PM, Anonymous

Interesting topic. I have never experienced sexual assault, though I worked in a Rape Crisis Center over 20 years ago. The fact that many have experienced the same trauma does not diminish the pain of the individual's experience. Does this make sense?

I am trying to understand the story line, but am confused with the significance of David and Bethsheba no longer needing "messengers". It is significant I am sure but that I am missing the point.

Please refresh my memory. Didn’t David and Bethsheba get married after her husband was disposed of? Was that against her will also? I am seriously lacking in my Old Testament storytelling. Sorry…..
At 9/11/2006 03:12:00 PM, Christy Lambertson

David was the king, and Bathsheba did not have the power to refuse him. It was far from a consensual affair. When there is that great a power imbalance, you don't need to use a knife or a gun.

I have also experienced this topic first hand, and like charlotte, my story is rather long, so I won't get into it. But I will say that there have been studies that show that sexual abuse is MORE common in fundamentalist/very conservative Christian homes than in the general population. (Sorry, I can't quote the study off-hand.)

Because of my history, I hear a lot of things, and that Christian college wasn't the only one to cover up a date rape. And sexual abuse by male clergy is most definitely not confined to the Catholic church.

The Bible's got some ugly stuff in it, and women did not fare well in those times. The church has got some ugly stuff in it too, and part of dealing with that, is being willing to think of well-known Bible stories in new ways.

Thanks for this post.
At 9/11/2006 07:18:00 PM, Julie

If we are afraid to tell stories in the church then the evil has won. There will be more victims who don't get help. We need to make the church (or gatherings of women) safe places for truthtelling, painletting, and condemnation of evil. Shame on the women's part should have no place in our churchs, we should not even let the idea that its the women's fault gain a foothold. this is the huge reason we need a voice and we need power. not for the sake of the things in themselves but to be there to support and give aid as soon as its needed.
At 9/11/2006 09:48:00 PM, Don't I Know You?

We need to make the church (or gatherings of women) safe places for truthtelling, painletting, and condemnation of evil.

"church," as we understand it in our world, is not built to be a safe place of truthtelling and painletting.

i would go so far as to argue that a community of people who gather together one, two, three times a week for worship and bible study should not be that place.

however, "church" as the body of christ can provide that place in the form of a mutually agreed upon relationship in which healthy boundaries are established, honored and maintained. small group, specialized mission work, whatever structure works for someone.

i'm not a big fan of thinking that the goal is to make an entire congregation be that safe place. i don't think that matches our human natures.
At 9/11/2006 10:29:00 PM, Anonymous

"Then after ... she's on her own. No escort home now. There are definitely 21st century counterparts to this, too."

This is intriguing. Can you expound on this idea Sherri? What did it mean that she no longer had an escort? And what 21st century counterparts? I am sorry I am being so thick, this is all new to me.
At 9/12/2006 09:58:00 AM, Anonymous

Thanks Sheri...I am seeing that Bethsheba was alone after she was forced to give in to King David. Just like today, women who are simply looking for companionship are used, abused and then left to suffer alone. Gosh...I had not thought of it this way before. How incredibly sad. We were created to be in community. What an affront to our very nature.

OK...here is my next "help me to understand" question. Why did God say to Solomon about David in Kings 3 "And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life."? Did David know at the time that his behavior was wrong? Does it matter? Certainly God knew that taking a woman against her will was heck...not Godly...yet David was applauded for having the heart of God. Did women mean so little to God as they meant to man?

Also, and my memory is sketchy, but didn't David buy a wife with the foreskins of 20 Philistines? Men die from that surgery today. I am sure many did not live to see another day with the bleeding that ensued from a forced adult circumcision. This was a horrible sexual assault to these men also. What does this say about us as a people and how does God over look this in David? My heart is just breaking for all humankind.
At 9/13/2006 08:18:00 AM, Anonymous

Wow... that is good stuff Sheri. Thanks for taking the time to lay it all out. I love the idea of the Trinity continually searching for ways to redeem. That is such a more inclusive ideology than the Trinity always looking for ways to punish. Amen sista…

So from your original post, what would you want us to talk about in our women’s groups? What issues do you see as the central focus so that we can raise awareness in our little part of the world?

I appreciate your thoughts and insight!
At 9/13/2006 08:39:00 AM, Janice

Was Monica Lewinsky raped?

I have not read the entire thread here, but am wondering about power positions and the ability to refuse, or if there is even a desire to do so, is the 'power' a sex appeal and draw unto itself?

I think its wise to not forget there ARE to wills involved and many facets to the emotions and dynamics.
At 9/13/2006 08:40:00 AM, Janice

Should have read TWO wills involved. SORRY! Trying to play a lot of catch up today....
At 9/13/2006 01:16:00 PM, Sarah Notton

My friend Maurice just blogged about Bathsheba and her story. I'm so impressed that a guy would (on his own!) look at the story from her perspective and encourage others to do likewise.

http://www.mauricebroaddus.com/2006/09/bathshebas-story-part-i.htm

http://www.mauricebroaddus.com/2006/09/bathshebas-story-part-ii.htm

http://www.mauricebroaddus.com/2006/09/bathshebas-story-part-iii.htm
At 9/17/2006 10:35:00 PM, Unknown

I realize this topic is a week old, so maybe I'm too far behind to be commenting. But...here goes.

I think something we need to look at is not only our need to address our lack of discussion of the topic of rape and provide a format for its victims to speak about their pain. As a preventative measure, we really need to discuss two issues more often and more clearly.

The first is the importance of women in God's eyes. If David had had a God's view of women rather than just his culture's view (as more of objects than people), the whole incident might not have happened. Maybe if the young men in our churches understood our place as Image-bearers, the numbers in Christian communities would diminish.

The second issue is that sex within marriage is a good gift from God, not something to be whispered about in dark corners with a sense of shame. I was so saddened to hear from a friend of how she had been ashamed of her pregnancy (while married, mind you), because she knew that it was physical evidence for everyone to know what she and her husband had done. When I think of the complete joy and anticipation I felt when I carried my boys, my heart breaks for her that she was robbed of that by a church with low views of sex.
At 9/22/2006 02:18:00 AM, Charlotte Wyncoop

I think the issue of power is very telling. Who would Bathsheba complain to? David's policemen? Her husband, one of David's mighty men? A priest? Practically, what would happen to her?

She is a woman with a husband at war - was she being summoned to hear news of her husband?

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