Joanne ... great insights and questions that are worthy of spiritual wrestlings! :-) Institutional and family roles with their accompanying titles are funny animals. As 'culturized' peoples, it's impossible to not be influenced by ourselves, our own stories and experiences, our own journey with institutions, etc. I agree. So glad you enjoyed the marmalade.
I think you hit on a good point "which ones are we expected to conform to" that traditionally come with such titles as pastor or pastor's wife ... to which I'll turn to address Soldiermom.
Soldiermom - Yes, titles serve some orderly purpose, I agree. And certain groups of people really need them to help keep life 'understandable and organized.' However ...
There are titles which, over time, become representative of realities that are more unjust that just, more restrictive than liberating, more human-like that Jesus-like. Pastor's wife is one.
An uncensored look reveals the realities of women being side-lined, undervalued, under-appreciated, taken advanatage of, never seen as being equally gifted spiritually, intellectually, or capable of equal leadership. Then there's the "twoferone" syndrome, etc. For women trying to find an equal footing from which to lead in the church institution ... 'pastor's wife' is one of these. Thousands of feminine voices bear witness to this fact, just as we hear on this site. I totally understand 'you better duck!' I appreciate it, I applaud this courageous little, yet powerful phrase. In it, I hear: enough is enough.
I will argue that; Jesus didn't like labels either and he didn't take them! He jumped all over them! He became righteously angry and got right back in their face, especially with prejudices against treating women and children as second class citizens. We can't hear the tone of voice from the written word, but realistic, critical exegesis of Jesus passages must give an angry tone to Jesus' voice in some of them.He didn't even shy away from name calling! Being angry at injustice does not take away from 'loving others.'
I argue that the church should be and should have been more openly "hostile" to injustice! Not being willing to struggle with what "righteous anger" looks like as a holiness issue is what has kept the church silent during: ongoing massacres and ethnic cleansings; the holocaust, the crusades, and witch hunts of the past; today's economically, lucrative sex-slave trade of women and children; the continued marginalization/violence/and discrimmination against women, etc., etc., etc. (Check out: USWomen Without Borders)
I'll argue that Jesus weeps, God is righteously angry and that Lady Wisdom grieves with loud groanings at all of this chaos and we are called to mirror anyone of these godly, emotional characteristics at "so moved moments."