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Saturday, August 12, 2006
pastor's wife?
Leadership Blog: Out of Ur: Married to the Ministry: has the pastor’s wife’s role changed for better or worse?

I really have no idea if or how the role of "pastor's wife" has changed. I personally shudder at that phrase and think it is not only narrow, limiting and biased but it's insulting to the woman who by that title, is relegated to an identity that is dependant upon the role of her husband.

And for the record, I'm not a pastor's wife or a minister's wife or any other such thing. I AM a minister. David and I are ministers together, colaborers in the same ministry, the same calling. So please don't refer to me as Makeesha, the wife of the college/young adult minister...unless you duck first.

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posted by Makeesha at 1:48 PM ¤ Permalink ¤


29 Comments:


  • At 8/12/2006 11:56:00 PM, Blogger unmuzzled

    I agree. My church only appoints male elders. However they are tying to appeal to the younger generation by referring to them as ‘elder couples’ or including the ‘elder wives.’ The women I’m sure have there own calling and ministry that may not have anything to do with eldership, but are forced into this role. Not to mention the fact that some of the women are truly the elders. It is very insulting and frustrating.

     
  • At 8/13/2006 10:12:00 AM, Blogger Michele L

    I too am not a pastors wife, however for the first time in the last year, I have had the opportunity of becoming friends with "a pastor's wife". To be honest in the tradition I was raised in (Conservative Baptist), that was all I heard when introducing "the pastor's wife". I never had thought much about the title until I heard her mentioning it one day to another person. I could tell it really bothered her, and I had a rude awakening. My church is transforming, and she has taught, and until recently was on staff, but I guess old habits die hard. I now make sure that I don't refer to her that way, she has had just as much of an impact, more in regards to the women issues! She led me to this blog, which has been awesome. So in a round about way...I think the "role is changing" for many places, and is always in transformation, we probably don't even realize how much it has changed in 100, 200+ years. Some roles will be much further along than others.

     
  • At 8/13/2006 10:29:00 AM, Blogger Joanne

    I am a soon-to-be female pastor. Actually, I guess that sounds a little strange. I am already female. I already have the uniform too - the shirt and collar in the compulsory black and navy options of the church to which I serve.

    It came as a greaat surprise then, that I discovered that I was not to have a pastor's wife. No-one to make all that coffee, marmalade, listen to all those people who are not sure that they want to talk to the minister just yet.

    Please hear me right here - I am actually scared that I will not have that role as part of my ministerial armoury. Not least because such a person is also a constant companionable reminder that there is a vital need for a normal lofe outside of the expecatations and needs of the churches and communities to which we are a part.

    When I suggested to a (male) pastor friend that I was never going to have a pastor's wife, he smiled kindly. The next day he brought me a jar of marmalade.

     
  • At 8/14/2006 10:32:00 AM, Blogger lydia

    When I suggested to a (male) pastor friend that I was never going to have a pastor's wife, he smiled kindly. The next day he brought me a jar of marmalade.

    Great story. :)

     
  • At 8/15/2006 10:37:00 AM, Blogger From the Margins

    Joanne ... may I suggest that you have a whole faith community of 'pastor's wives?' There are people just waiting to be commissioned, activated, given permission to begin!

    There's actually more 'pastors' in your community of faith, besides yourself, too! You have company!

    Something about the priesthood of all believers comes to mind ... we just don't act on it or believe it most of the time, so we create 'roles', delegating solo people to them. Where in the world did we come up with 'one pastor per church' from scripture? AND BESIDES, "PASTOR" is the LEAST mentioned title in the N.T.in reference to leadership, yet we've made it THE MOST! Ha! Go figure.

    Something more authentic and 'greater' could emerge without you having a 'pastor's wife!' How cool!

    Could this be an emerging advantage to women leading?

     
  • At 8/15/2006 02:39:00 PM, Blogger Jasmin

    ...unless you duck first! Ha! I love it! I give you a hearty "Amen!"

     
  • At 8/17/2006 08:05:00 AM, Blogger soldiermom

    OK...I guess I am going to be the rebel here. I truly hope that the "better duck" comments were tongue in cheek. Cuz if getting called a name you don't like brings such anger I can't imagine what emotions being in ministry with really difficult people in really horrible situations will illicit.

    People like to order their world. Sure some might do so to belittle others, but mostly they are just trying to help things make sense. Labels, while not always beneficial, do serve some purpose. Don't ya think? I mean we do it all the time. Why is this one such a rub?

    Think of all the names Christ has been called. All the labels he has been given, yet he loves us still.

    I don't mean to lecture and I am not in a position to have experienced the same things you ministers who happen to be women have. But it serves no women well when our leaders appear hostile. Or worse, if we are afraid to approach them because of something we might say that ticks them off.

     
  • At 8/17/2006 02:11:00 PM, Blogger jledmiston

    I'm both a pastor and a pastor's wife. (My husband is also an ordained pastor.) I have worked as a single woman pastor (pre-marriage), as a clergy couple (both husband & I were serving same congregation) and as a "solo" pastor with a staff of other ministers, both women and men. It's all good.

    Because we are called to different ministries at different times/places in life, I find that sometimes I'm the leader and sometimes I'm the follower. One of the common themes in Emerging Movement is indeed the priesthood of all believers, but even more than that, the notion that "the pastor" is not always the leader. I'm a lousy leader if I demand to be the person up front all the time.

    There are many people in my husband's congregation who have no idea that I am also a pastor and sometimes they treat me like I'm invisible/unimportant. I'm okay with it. I know who I am and whose I am -- or at least I try to know it.

     
  • At 8/18/2006 09:05:00 AM, Blogger Joanne

    In reply to 'From the Margins'...
    thank you for your wisdom and insight. I hope that I did not come across at suggesting anything quite as contradictory to your response.

    Indeed, I told the marmalade story to unline your very point - that there is a valuable role of pastor's wife (whatever that means) but that, in my case at least, that was being fulfilled to some small extent by a colleague. This is not to say that this role will not be redefined, reevaluated and rediscovered within the relationships that develop within a community to whom I lead and serve. For such a time as this, my mate gave me the wise nudge I needed not to wallow in self pity but to celebrate his culinary skills and to open my eyes a bit further to the people and gifts that God has provided.

    I read again Winner's article:

    …The problem with a facile feminist critique of the role of clergy wife is that it misses the real beauty of the collaboration sometimes found in clerical marriages. There is something wonderfully seamless about their lives--their work and their marriage is all of a piece. Husband and wife are profoundly knitted together, and their shared calling offers something of a rebuke to the hyper-individualism that characterizes so many American marriages. Indeed, they may set a nice example for the flock.

    There is something about the family unit here that I am still wrestling with. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with 'From the Margins' but I also want to press into which roles we are defining by our own expectations, which one's we expect to find - and which ones as women we are still expected to conform to as pastor or as pastor's wife.

    The marmalade was lovely.

     
  • At 8/18/2006 11:03:00 AM, Blogger From the Margins

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 8/18/2006 11:40:00 AM, Blogger From the Margins

    Joanne ... great insights and questions that are worthy of spiritual wrestlings! :-) Institutional and family roles with their accompanying titles are funny animals. As 'culturized' peoples, it's impossible to not be influenced by ourselves, our own stories and experiences, our own journey with institutions, etc. I agree. So glad you enjoyed the marmalade.

    I think you hit on a good point "which ones are we expected to conform to" that traditionally come with such titles as pastor or pastor's wife ... to which I'll turn to address Soldiermom.

    Soldiermom - Yes, titles serve some orderly purpose, I agree. And certain groups of people really need them to help keep life 'understandable and organized.' However ...

    There are titles which, over time, become representative of realities that are more unjust that just, more restrictive than liberating, more human-like that Jesus-like. Pastor's wife is one.

    An uncensored look reveals the realities of women being side-lined, undervalued, under-appreciated, taken advanatage of, never seen as being equally gifted spiritually, intellectually, or capable of equal leadership. Then there's the "twoferone" syndrome, etc. For women trying to find an equal footing from which to lead in the church institution ... 'pastor's wife' is one of these. Thousands of feminine voices bear witness to this fact, just as we hear on this site. I totally understand 'you better duck!' I appreciate it, I applaud this courageous little, yet powerful phrase. In it, I hear: enough is enough.

    I will argue that; Jesus didn't like labels either and he didn't take them! He jumped all over them! He became righteously angry and got right back in their face, especially with prejudices against treating women and children as second class citizens. We can't hear the tone of voice from the written word, but realistic, critical exegesis of Jesus passages must give an angry tone to Jesus' voice in some of them.He didn't even shy away from name calling! Being angry at injustice does not take away from 'loving others.'

    I argue that the church should be and should have been more openly "hostile" to injustice! Not being willing to struggle with what "righteous anger" looks like as a holiness issue is what has kept the church silent during: ongoing massacres and ethnic cleansings; the holocaust, the crusades, and witch hunts of the past; today's economically, lucrative sex-slave trade of women and children; the continued marginalization/violence/and discrimmination against women, etc., etc., etc. (Check out: USWomen Without Borders)

    I'll argue that Jesus weeps, God is righteously angry and that Lady Wisdom grieves with loud groanings at all of this chaos and we are called to mirror anyone of these godly, emotional characteristics at "so moved moments."

     
  • At 8/19/2006 10:24:00 PM, Blogger Charlotte Wyncoop

    From the margins said "Could this be an emerging advantage to women leading?"

    I think there's a great advantage to upsetting conventions and redefining paradigms. When women lead in situations where they have traditionally been followers, it also suggests that the former leaders must also learn to follow. If we truly are a "priesthood of believers" meant to minister one to another, both roles would be necessary, right? If there is no pastor's wife, that role can be filled by someone else with a gift for hospitality. Men could do it, or other women, but I think it could open up a opportunity for a community ministering together, rather than the one family (the pastor's) doing it all.

     
  • At 8/20/2006 04:11:00 PM, Blogger Julie

    Interesting conversation. I am currently a co-pasor and pastor's wife. I was more scared about the "pastor's wife" part of it than anythiing. I am me - I don't want to have to meet the typical expectations that come with that role. Of course I'll do some of them because of who I am (we can't not have coffee and snacks), but I will work where I am gifted. The idea of the community stepping up to fulfill the support roles that that pastor's wife has usually done is vital. If we are truly trying to birth new kinds of churches, churches where people get involved and are changed and don't just attend to be fed, then we should all be stepping to to help make the pragmatics of a church fall into place.

     
  • At 8/20/2006 09:55:00 PM, Blogger sylvia skinner

    Interesting conversation. I haven't visited in a while, and I was intrigued and just had to comment.

    I am a pastor's wife. Until recntly, I was on staff at our church. I haven't attended in a few weeks--not sure when I'm going back. I'm sort of wanting to be "on leave" from the whole PW thing too! I think the way most evangelical churches (from which I am on permanent leave from) treat our clergy--and the pastor's wife in particular--is really the modern day church's dirty little secret.

    Recently, when that pastor's wife shot her husband there was a very brief rumble on a pastor's wife blog that I used to participate in about what could have possibly made her snap. Several of us were even interviewed by a CBS Morning producer about the stresses of being a PW. I think we were all hopeful that some ouf our (horror) stories would be told. Disappointingly, it didn't happen...guess it just wasn't interesting enough to be news. Turns out some of what drove her to do what she did was related to some debt that she had gotten into (Gee--wonder if the $ was needed to meet some dumb expectation. When my husband was in seminary someone told us to be sure that our clothes didn't look like they came out of the missionary barrel, but also not "too" fancy, etc.)

    The bottom line? Expectations and demands are one of the destroyers of faith communities. We have become nothing more than a commodity. You can sit at the bedsite of a church member who is near death and hold their hand--and in that moment you mean the world to them. A month after they return to church all healthy and whole something can tick them off and they might just not show up the next week...you've been there for them in the darkest moment and they can't even pick up the damn (oops...can we say that?) phone to let you know.

    Sorry for the cynism. My husband (the pastor!) did remind me the other day that it isn't just us that is the commodity--Jesus has become one too. When the gospel message became simply about praying the prayer and getting your ticket to heaven stamped--that's when it happened.

    I truly hope that this way of looking at community and our clergy in particular can change in the emergent church. Otherwise, sadly, I'm not interested in any of it anymore. I'm tired of "ducking!"

     
  • At 8/21/2006 10:06:00 AM, Blogger Tiffanie

    Some reiterating here, but my thoughts are as follows:

    First, From the Margins-great comments! To add; I think we often place way too much emphasis on the “pastor”. Yes, God has called some to lead as pastors, but this is not necessarily the best or the most important way to do so. Pastor’s wives can be leaders too (whether pastors themselves or not). At my church there is a large young adult community. Females in this age category often meet with the young adult pastor’s wife as it is more comfortable for them to talk and share with a female. I think of it like this… God brought that pastor and his wife together, fully knowing and intending for the pastor’s wife to minister to and lead these young women. What I am trying to point out is that I agree with Soldiermom and see no harm in the label of “pastor’s wife”. Maybe it’s because I am not one myself, but I’m not sure I understand why such offense is taken by the term? To me, the title “pastor’s wife” only means that one is married to a pastor. As far as I know, there is not in existence a pocket guide to “the correct way to be a pastor’s wife”. How each woman fills that role is unique from any other. Even if others mean the term with negative connotations, the above remains true.

    I’m not sure that the “role” of the pastor’s wife is changing, so much as, the role of women in the church overall is changing. (Women, pastor’s wives and not, are filling more leadership positions, speaking out more and acquiring new and significant roles in ministry.) A pastor’s wife is and will always be that, a pastor’s wife. Even if she becomes a pastor herself, or takes on some other significant leadership position she will still be a pastor’s wife. These women will continue to minister to people under this role, whether by making the marmalade or meeting with women too intimidated to speak with a man, or both.

    I really like the thoughts about the priesthood of all believers. God’s design is for us to all work together, even if it means being a “pastor’s wife”.

     
  • At 8/21/2006 11:26:00 AM, Blogger Makeesha

    of course the duck comment was tongue in cheek.

    thanks for all the thoughts and stories. I think the main thing I would like to see is the women who are married to pastors, receive their own ministry identity. Women who are wives of pastors are not "pastor's wives". I every case I have encountered they are the women's ministry leaders or children's pastors, or hospitality coordinators or sermon proofreaders or household managers.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that my identity is not tied to my husband's vocation...it's not even really tied to my own vocation but certainly not solely to his.

    And I PERSONALLY am a minister myself, we call ourselves copastors. At this season, because we have young girls - one who is still breastfeeding, David does take more of an up front, "in charge" role because I often can't make it to meetings, prayer gatherings, etc. But I still teach, I still counsel, and I have an equal role in decision making and vision casting. So FOR ME PERSONALLY to be called a pastor's wife is simply and purely inacurate. So where the frustration lies, is when people ASSUME that I am a pastor's wife because I am a woman, instead of asking me what my roles and giftings are and addressing me accordingly.

     
  • At 8/21/2006 06:30:00 PM, Blogger From the Margins

    Sylvia ... Your story touched my heart. Thanks for taking the personal risk to share for our benefit. Sometimes we just have to take a break, journey in Eccl. for a while and take a sacred break! Your testimony is true for others whose voice we don't hear, but you've brought them to us.

    Tiffanie - a point of info. There are MANY pocket guides to being a 'pastor's wife,' both written and unwritten. (Gosh, I wish it was as simple and 'true' as you see it ... it's just not.)

    It's more than true that in many religious traditions the 'unwritten' rules are more powerful than the written ones (there really are written rules about the roles and obligations of the pastor's wife in church handbooks.)

    Then there are many books that have been written to and for pastor's wives: how to navigate, negotiate, and survive their journey through this too often dangerous, restrictive and very political territory.

    I googled Amazon with "Pastor's Wife" and 3109 titles came up! Here's an example of a 'pocket guide': "The ABC's and 1 2 3's of Being a Pastor's Wife" just published in 2006!

    Makeesha ... I appreciate your additional, personal reflections.

     
  • At 8/21/2006 09:59:00 PM, Blogger Tiffanie

    Wow, that's an eye opener; books on how to be a pastor’s wife. I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising though since there are also books on how to be a mom, or a divorcee or a just about anything. I guess I still don’t quite understand though, I mean, I don’t get offended when I’m labeled as a soccer mom. Just because I drive a van and take my kids to swim lessons doesn’t necessarily mean I spent the afternoon baking cookies too. And just because a book says that great moms read to their children every morning and every night doesn’t make me a failure if I don’t. I think what I am struggling with is that it seems like the fuss is over other peoples opinions. Our affirmation should come from God. It shouldn’t matter to me how other women; especially those who are not mothers, label me if I know who I am, and who I am in Christ. My accomplishments are not actually mine, they are God’s. If I am not given credit; it should be ok. If I am not noticed beyond a label; it should still be ok. My feelings on this might not be as strong if it weren’t for similar issues being played out in my own community right now, and I pray that my thoughts here are not taken offensively.

     
  • At 8/21/2006 10:25:00 PM, Blogger Makeesha

    I don't struggle with people's opinions. I get annoyed when their opinions affect how I'm treated. For good or bad that's just how I feel. I'm generally a very unemotional person who doesn't give a rat's tail about what people think about me. But God has given me gifts and I believe we as Christians should respect one another enough to at least honor each person's contributions fully without giving them a title that isn't even appropriate to what they do.

    If you don't have a problem with titles given you I think that's great. But there still is an issue at work here related to walking humbly with God

     
  • At 8/23/2006 02:58:00 PM, Blogger From the Margins

    T: "My accomplishments are not actually mine, they are God’s."

    I'll take a risk and challenge this thinking a little. I'll suggest that you and God are one ... not something dualistic. Accomplishments are actually both of yours/Yours.

    I believe this was a slippery slope back in the day of the early church ... seperating parts of people and their actions from God.

    God in Me, I in God. I suggest that a new birth in Christ makes I/We inseparable and actually 'who's who is indistinguishable in me because God inhabits every part of my being.

    This Oneness includes my thoughts, my actions, my choices, my very breathing! God-In-Me ... all of me, through His Son by His Holy Spirit. I'm a wholistic person and I believe that God offered me genuine partnership in this whole life of mine through His Son! Therefore, we/WE accomplish things together. Not all God ... Not all Me.

    (Theological reflections, not having arrived, from the margins.)

     
  • At 8/24/2006 05:35:00 PM, Blogger Tiffanie

    Are you saying then that we should claim the glory? I agree that it is both; us and Him, however, I'd be careful that my intent is not to seek glory or credit. If I receive it from others, ok. If I don't, should I be bitter?

     
  • At 8/25/2006 11:28:00 AM, Blogger Makeesha

    I don't think it's necessarily glory that we should claim, but saying that "it's God not me" can become a slippery slope. For example, I hear comments like "why do you care that you're not seen as your husband's equal, you shouldn't be seeking self glorification anyway, it's only God's view of you that you should care about". That thinking is problematic on many levels, not the least of which that it's bad theology. You can carry that thinking so far that it can be used to justify ignoring poverty and injustice, ignoring emotional or verbal abuse...all manner of things.

    So it's not so much that saying "all glory be to God" is a bad thing - in fact, our hearts's desire should be that we do all things for the glory of God...but when you say that at the expense of anything else, it can lead to imbalance that can be very dangerous.

     
  • At 8/25/2006 11:50:00 AM, Blogger Tiffanie

    I think my comment may have been taken slightly out of context; my point is simply that we really shouldn't get worked up over not "getting credit". You are right; it's a balance, on BOTH ends lies a slippery slope that we all must be cautious of. And, (I think) we too often slip on the side of demanding our own glory. Humility is the key, I think that it is when we are truly humble that God allows us to be recognized. When we place our own desire for credit above His, do you think He could be reserving it to teach us humility?

     
  • At 8/25/2006 10:06:00 PM, Blogger Makeesha

    I actually see way too much self depreciation going on in the church when it comes to women so I don't think God is withholding status because so many women need to be humbled.

    but I get your point

     
  • At 8/27/2006 09:54:00 PM, Blogger From the Margins

    The funny thing about humility is, the minute we think we might have reached some level of humility, it's prideful to think so!! One of many paradoxes! Then to think that God can be teaching us something so paradoxical, is even more messy! I'll throw my hat in the ring for suggesting that humility can't be taught, but comes in Divine transformation over time.

    "When we place our own desire for credit above His, do you think He could be reserving it to teach us humility?"

    My answer: Neh ... My experience doesn't bear witness to people learning much through a God-withholding mechanism for learning. The Evang. Church has been preaching this for some time and I witness very few people learning and changing a thing about themselves! I hear Sylvia bearing witness to the same.

    The slippery slope I was referring to was a form of gnosticism ... to seperate parts of me that are not connected to God and therefore it then doesn't matter what those 'parts' do because God is not in them.

    It is human, and okay, to desire validation, compliments, acknowledgements of a job well done and to feel hurt or sadness when we are marginalized and unnoticed. Until the Kingdom of God is fulfilled, we all need a loving community of faith (family) for supplying these valid human needs. If we have been created in the mirror image of God, why wouldn't we have been created to need praise ... as does our Very Creator?

     
  • At 8/29/2006 07:28:00 AM, Blogger Revem

    I am unsure how this will be taken, so please bear with me. I mean no harm by my following comments.
    Whilst I recognise that a title based on your relationship with a man can feel minimising and dismissive, the role that is described is a unique one. A Pastor's wife fulfills a role that noone else in the church fulfills including that of the pastor.

    I have had the blessing of being part of a retreat group over the past 3 years with women in a variety of ministries, one of which was being a pastors wife. I am a female pastor and have never experienced what it is to be a pastor's wife as my husband is a welder. In spending time with the pastors wives in my retreat group I became aware of the unique role they play in a church. A role which is definately ministering to others but not that of the pastor. it's just a different role, no more or less important than any other role just another part of the body of Christ.

    For me a co pastor is someone who has done the same training etc as the other person whether it is the male or female who is the 'pastor'. My husband is my husband but he isn't a co-pastor just because I am a pastor neither am I a welder because he is. He has his ministry which I support him in and I have mine.

    I guess for me the role of a pastors wife is a blessed, precious and unique one, all be it with a negative title. To try and water down the place it has in a church community seems to be disrespectful to the person and the ministry they are involved in.

    I hope you can understand where I am coming from and hear my absolute respect for those of you who fill this important and sacred ministry.

    Blessings
    Revem

     
  • At 9/01/2006 12:51:00 AM, Blogger Makeesha

    I don't think anyone is devaluing the role of "pastor's wife" regardless of the title. What I personally am saying is that I am not a pastor's wife and I don't like people's assuming that I am simply because I'm the woman. Some women ARE "pastor's wives" and they play vital roles and I agree that they aren't copastors by default. But I actually AM a copastor. And many women who are wives of pastors aren't "pastor's wives" in any traditional sense. They have their own ministry roles. If a woman is a support to her husband at home and raises the kids and does church stuff here and there then she plays a vital important role and that, to me, is a pastor's wife. our pastor's wife in CA was like that. But every other wife of a pastor I have known does not fill that position in that way. the wife of our current pastor runs the women's ministry. The wife of another of our pastors was the children's ministry pastor. another was the compassion ministry coordinator. Another was an evangelism pastor. I think if we're going to label people, let's at least be accurate and respectful of the whole person ...not something that we presume because of their gender.

    If I said I was a pastor, it would automatically be assumed that David is the HEAD pastor. see the issue?

     
  • At 9/02/2006 09:13:00 PM, Blogger Chrissy

    I really think that it is wonderful that those of us in the ministry are so diverse. It's what makes us all work so well together for the Word of God. I am a pastor's-wife-to-be and am excited to finally drop the "to-be". I will love being the traditional pastor's wife. Helping with Sunday school, leading the women's group, etc. I can't wait. But here at seminary there are many wife's (actually spouses for that matter) that feel much like many of you.. that it's a bad title, and should not be used. I think it's really up to you. If you don't like the term, simply express that to anyone who uses it. Say I prefer not to be called "the pastor's wife" or, I prefer you use a different discription of the pastor's spouse. One thing that really opened my eyes here at Seminary is that there are not just pastor's wives, but pastor's husbands too. We call out support group here on campus Fellowship of Wartburg SPOUSES for that very reason. So many women are going into the ministry and now the husbands are becoming the pastor's wives :) LOL. Talk about gender roles.

    Really I think it's totally up to the person if they should be referred to as a pastor's spouse or not. When my husband graduates, that will be who I am, I am his wife, I am the "pastor's wife" and I will love it :)

     
  • At 9/04/2006 10:27:00 PM, Blogger Makeesha

    I must not be expressing myself correctly. It's not a problem with the title. It's a problem with the attitudes about women not allowed in ministry that created that title in the first place...and then with it, created all the disclaimers down the road. Things like "pastor's wives are underapreciated, they are vital to the pastor and his church"...well yeah, because they actually RUN many aspects of the church because they're not JUST a pastor's wife.

    I agree that if you enjoy the traditional role of pastor's wife which really just means that you do whatever your husband and the church need done regardless of your own gifts, then by all means, I applaud you and thank God for you.

    But this really isn't about the title for me, it's about the attitudes that drive that term to be used.

     

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