In the church especially we are used to there being certain expectations and limitations for women. Even when the church or group is egalitarian, those assumptions regarding what is suitable still exist. Often if a woman writes a book it is assumed to be a book for women, even if the spiritual themes are broader than that. I've come to expect that if there is women present in a line up of conference speakers I can almost guarantee that she will be speaking on social work in urban settings, AIDS in Africa, or overcoming sexual abuse, eating disorders, or being a lesbian and not anything strictly theological or from the Bible. Not that most of those things are bad topics, just that they are "acceptable" topics for women to address.
Yet to move beyond those expectations comes at a cost. Woolf presents an interesting perspective -
Moreover, in a hundred years, I thought, reaching my own doorstep, women will have ceased to be the protected sex. Logically they will take part in all the activities and exertions that were once denied them. The nursemaid will heave coal. The shopwoman will drive an engine. All assumptions founded on the facts observed when women were the protected sex will have disappeared—as, for example (here a squad of soldiers marched down the street), that women and clergymen and gardeners live longer than other people. Remove that protection, expose them to the same exertions and activities, make them soldiers and sailors and engine–drivers and dock labourers, and will not women die off so much younger, so much quicker, than men that one will say, ‘I saw a woman to–day’, as one used to say, ‘I saw an aeroplane’. Anything may happen when womanhood has ceased to be a protected occupation, I thought, opening the door.
Much has been said of the costs of women finding equality. Lifestyles and family structures have changed and often women are made to bear the full guilt of the vicissitudes of those changes. Women and men have had to make sacrifices and surrender their pride. Women have been maligned and ridiculed. We have been accused of seeking power when all we want is to be ourselves. We still in the church are subject to harsh criticisms, asked to be quiet (in the name of unity of course), and told our passions are unimportant. Pushing expectations comes at a cost.
So I ask. What expectations do you see in play? How can they be challenged? What costs have you had to pay? Are the costs worth it?
Labels: A Room of One's Own, Book Discussions, Gender Issues, Women in Ministry
I haven’t read the book, but I’ve read a few of Woolf’s other works and women’s equality seems to be a theme. It’s a mixed bag this becoming a woman--a struggle for identity. There have been great strides, no question, but many of the cultural ideals Woolf resisted are still mountains to be overcome. We don’t have channels on our boat (only dvds) so I’m not sure if this has changed (I doubt it), but a couple years ago I was sick in bed and watched tv the whole day. This is nothing new I guess and has been discussed, but it still ticked me off: every single commercial (without exception) having anything to do with housework, cooking, or children was always geared toward women. Almost every commercial geared toward men portrayed women in a sexual way. Don’t even get me started on commercials during televised sporting events. Or billboards. In this media oriented society, the effects are subtle but strong. There are times when I believe the subversive messages/expectations the culture still gives about women are harder to overcome than the obvious ones.
So often I feel puny when it comes to thinking about how I can make a difference within such a huge issue. Recently I had a small, but meaningful, victory: Years ago I decided to boycott Victoria’s Secret due to the nature of their ads. I wrote them very un-preachy letters just stating the fact that I thought they were contributing to the objectification of women and I would withhold my dollar until they changed. I involved my daughter, then 14, and she agreed to do it with me. I really didn’t anticipate any change (I’m a bit cynical) but lo and behold just about a month ago in the business section I find that Victoria’s Secret, due to lack of sales and complaints about their ads, were going to stop making such sexually explicit pictures and ads in hopes of winning back their market. I know for sure this is a group effort involving many, but was glad to be a part. My daughter now almost 18 and I were elated--but what it really did was emphasize to me that small things can make a difference. Someone needs to tattoo that on my forehead.