DEAR ABBY: I haven't had a boyfriend for a while now, and I'm not sure why. Everyone says I'm cool, funny and outgoing. I play video games, sports, and do things that boys think girls would never do (like paintballing in the woods or bungee jumping over and over again).
All my guy friends think I'm awesome, and I do get compliments on my looks as well. I'm not a tomboy, I wear nice clothes and some makeup, but for some reason, whenever I get a crush on a guy, he says it would be "weird" because I'm a "really good friend."
What am I doing wrong? I love who I am and so do boys. So why don't they think I could be "girlfriend material"? -- BOYFRIENDLESS IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR BOYFRIENDLESS: It may be that "guys" see you as one of them. And because of it, they don't consider you in a romantic way. Therefore, it's time to emphasize your feminine side and present yourself in a different light. This may mean temporarily downplaying your involvement in boys' sports and paintball games, and amping up your "girlishness." Give it a try and see what happens.
To insist that girls deny who they are in order to get a guy is just sick. How many women over time have buried their personalities and pretended to a role that is a lie in order to fit in or be accepted? Why do girls (or guys for that matter) have to squeeze themselves into molds of what others think they should be like in order to attain "a happy and fulfilling life"? And why are freaking advice columnists spreading such nonsense instead of working to help people accept each other for who they are and encouraging confused young teens to pursue their passions instead of pushing cultural straitjackets upon them?
Labels: Gender Issues