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At 5/22/2008 01:22:00 PM, Sensuous Wife
Yes. Great article. I love Leslie Parrott's compassionate heart and brilliant mind. Her book "You Matter More Than You Think" is a cherishable lifesaver. But back to the topic of forgiveness and reconciliation.
A wise loving counselor once told me this as I was seeking to differentiate the two. She said, "Reconciliation is agreeing on what really happened and and agreeing on how you want to go forward into healing. When you reconcile your bank statement, you and the bank agree on what really happened. And if you want to make changes, you negotiate those changes together."
Someone who abused me in my past I have forgiven but I have not reconciled with because to this day they do not admit the abuse really happened. I can love them, and bless them, and forgive them, but some things in that relationship will never BE until they admit what they did to me and ask my forgiveness. Do I forgive them? Yes. Do I love them? Yes. Do I trust them? Not on your life.
i began a journey of forgiveness this past year that has truly changed my life. i realized if God places so much importance on forgiveness maybe i should work harder at it. i didn't know what that initially would look like in my life but i wanted to know how it felt.
i'm discovering it's a freeing feeling from hurt and anger - i did (still am) have to go through pain to get past the pain.
i'm finding it to be a process of changing how i think about anger, hurt and pain. it's on going and slow yet so worth the effort. i wish i had realized the importance of forgiveness years ago.
i do agree that reconciliation is different. it's a good thing if possible but not necessary in the process of forgiveness.
i could go on and on...i'm still learning and love to hear what methods others have in reaching forgiveness.
At 5/23/2008 08:09:00 AM, Sensuous Wife
yes mel, it certainly is. You know, what has worked for me is to make it the best armslength relationship it can be and to let myself cry in my husbands arms when I need to let it out. The other thing that has helped IMMENSELY is to ask God to give me other spiritual bonded friendships with lots of appropriate intimate connection. My desire for nonsexual* intimate human connection with the unreconciled person is good. It's by their choices that it cannot happen with them but it can happen with other safe people. No one human can "replace" another but taking my need for intimate connecting friendship seriously and harrassing God in prayer until he gives me that kind of friend has been my saving grace.
*I added the nonsexual because my screen name and blog make it clear I am a big fan of sexual intimacy with my husband. So I wanted to be clear that the intimate beautiful human sharing of love and thoughts and feelings and support and companionship between friends can be quite powerful and good and nourishing without being eros but instead be phileo and agape. I wanted to avoid any misunderstanding.
There are lots of ways to get your love tank filled and they are all very important. I've found when my love tank is full because of the good safe people in my life then the loss of the unreconciled relationship is MUCH easier to bear.
Love,
SW
If the little stuff of being human and imperfect requires generosity and humor, rather than forgiveness among ourselves, would not the same apply to our relationship with God?
I think we could relieve alot of false guilt if we didn't feel we stand condemned to hell for simply being human, but rather could abide in the generosity and humor of God, while seeking forgiveness for the significant errors of our ways.